'He looks terrified...'

One day, I want to be making enough money to only have to work 3 days a week, as 4 day weekends are truly the way forward. I'm not big on Christianity myself, but I have to thank it for Easter.

On Thursday night my nearest and dearest came over with cheap wine from Spar. We had an egg hunt and became fully engrossed in 'My Big Boobs And Me' on BBC3. We called 86355 take aways but noone would deliver as it was too late, so me and Gemma made a full loafs worth of toast, ate the lot and then KO'd. Me and Soph talked about Glasto, me and Bam talked about casinos, and all I said to everybody else was 'Jeeesus, look at the size of hers! I'm surprised she doesnt fall over.'

On Friday, me, Vik and Rachel went to Platt Fields. We had a picnic that was, inevitably, ruined by dogs, ate ice creams, perved on the skateboarders and went for a boat ride. It was lovely. We then went for bevvies, where we perved on more young attractive men (the sun brings them all out of hiding) and then met up with Faye and Gemma to go and see Blades of Glory. Which is very funny, by the way (Gemma - 'BOOM!'). We then went for greasy take out food, went back to mine, watched the Charlotte Church Show (Faye - 'Get over yourself, you were only in Skins') and eventually fell asleep.

Saturday - Me and Gemma went shopping for my new glasses (which are BEAutiful) and then went shopping for everything else. The beautiful boy who works in Urban Outfitters made our afternoon, and at 5ish we bought some food and went for a wee picnic in Picadilly Gardens. No cute boys there, but still. We then went home, had naps (shopping and perving can really take it out of a girl), woke from said naps, I dyed my hair, then got dressed up all pretty and went to play out. We had a party to go to, but got so involved in our games of Ring of Fire that we didnt get to the party until half past midnight. Saw lots of people from school and college that I hadnt seen in years, drank lots of wine, danced around, the usual. I then noticed that Sarah was lying motionless on a sofa, muttering something about leaves and that she was 'gonna puke' if she moved, so we slowly got her up and took her home. Hilarious.

Sunday, me and Gemma were attacked by a fly and a hornet, both of which drove us inside away from the sunshine squealing like 8 year olds. Later, I met up with Vik, Rach and Faye and headed into Manchester. Some guy in Sainsburys asked the cashier if using Lynx really makes girls say 'Boom chicka wa waaa' and I killed myself laughing about it all night. Anyways, we went to Overdraught but at 8 there was already a queue for the Foam Party, so we went and sweet talked Keith into letting us in. For free, too. We can be pretty cheeky if we reckon we can get away with it. I drank ridiculous amounts and dont remember much past about 11 but I remember having a ball. Foamy fun is great.

Today, our killer picnic was marred by the sodding rain, so instead we piled into the car, went for lunch, made this:



and then went to Manchesters finest (and free) art galleries and museums. I sometimes forget what hidden treasures Manchester holds. Here are things that I learned today:

1. You can have alot more fun in an Art Gallery than one would think.
2. You can have even more fun in a Museum.
3. Orange frogs that are the size of a penny can reduce absolutley anybody into a cooing 'Awwwwwww!' type state.
4. T-Rex's really werent actually that big.
5. Gecko's will have sex infront of anybody.
6. Dubbing Gecko sex is probably the funniest thing in the world to do.
7. The kids activity room is, by no means, just fun for kids.
8. Mummys are scary.
9. Young children are even scarier.

Once we were all educated, we went off to Big Hands for a while, where we noticed someone had defaced every single poster in there by drawing a cock in inappropriate places, had afew drinks and then went home, where I cleaned and then watched the worlds most terrible TV programme on Kerrang just because it was being hosted by Sophie Dahl, sorry, Gerard Way. I think it was called '101 Damnations: Rocks Biggest Hellraisers with My Chemical Romance'. You can imagine some of the crap I had to sit through. Things I learned:

1. The singer in Aiden is truly offensive and I hope I never have to look at him ever again.
2. Gerard Way doesnt really say much.
3. The curly haired ginger one actually is Angry Kid in human form.

And that show finished all of 5 minutes ago, so here I am. In about 4 minutes I will go and drink some water (stage one in the cleansing process after the amount of booze that has recently run through my blood stream) and will then sleep sleep sleep.

I hope everyones weekend was super.

My Chemical Romarse

Don't get me wrong, I like My Chemical Romance. But Romany doesnt. And they're just so damn easy to make fun of. So without further ado, let me present to you...

The Amazing Adventures of Gerrr-arrrse!

'Arms up, young man'



'Final hair check... white face, black eyes, check... looking goood, G Man'



'Okay, roll me out!'



'Man, the kids are gonna love this.'





AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!



[NB - Check the girl second in from the right. Priceless.]

Easy, tiger.

I cant wait until June 5th.

My Angry Romance

It's just uncanny.

Pansy.

I was driving home from work today listening to Radio One, and they announced that tonight at 7pm they were playing the live feed from the My Chemical Romance show. ‘Sure’ I thought to myself, ‘they’re over here on that massive arena tour.’ Mr Lowe then came on, saying that it was actually a special one off show at Camden’s KOKO club, and I suddenly wished I lived 2 hours south as I would LOVE to go and see them in that little club.

Years, like, a good few years ago now, I was walking past the night and day and saw a sign on the door that said ‘My Chemical Romance TONIGHT - £5’ and I remembered hearing the name so thought I would go in and watch. The singer was off his tits on something and noone inside really knew who they were bar about 20 kids down at the front who were going sick. They stuck in my head, so when they played Hop and Grape afew months later, I went along, but unlucky for everyone involved it was the night before my 19th birthday (Christ, so nearly 3 years ago! How time flies…) and I think I was even more fucked than Gerard was that night. I ended up spending the entire show sat on the floor, until they played Our Lady Sorrows which I loved, so jumped up, grabbed Sam and dragged her down to the front. Anyways, not long after, TCFSR came out, and they all threw away everything in their wardrobes that wasn’t black, white or red, and invested in some bullet proof vests. The first time they hit our shores with that album was on a support slot with TBS. Anyone who was at that Manchester show will tell you that MCR blew TBS off the fucking stage. It was a fairly small stage in the Academy, and they just came on and played until their fingers bled for 30 minutes and then left. If that’s the way that band had stayed, I would still absolutely adore them. Like, after that show, up to last summer, I saw them play another 10 times. But they’re a little too theatrical for me these days. But to have to chance to see them at KOKO is just too much. I’m horribly jealous of anyone who’s going.

While I’m on the subject of bands who are all the kids faves these days but noone gave a shit about afew years ago, I’m going to move on to exhibit B – Fall Out Boy. I got to thinking about them this weekend, when I found out that Tony Lovato (who isn’t in FOB himself, but stay with me) from Mest has been arrested for murder. Me and Sam once met Tony; Pete Wentz introduced us. I started thinking about how crazy it is that about 4 years ago, me and Sam went to a bar with Pete and Joe from Fall Out Boy. A busy bar, aswell, and noone in there batted an eyelid. We also later played with Hulk toys and drank Irn Bru together. Lovely chaps, they were, back in the old days. Tony Lovato was an arrogant prick, though.

Mel Gibson.

I have to tell you about this weird yet hilarious dream I had last night. Me and my sister were in Cheadle Village because I wanted to buy some of that new Heaven chocolate, so we get to the car park, and my sister (who doesn’t even drive) is driving a red Corsa and we start getting the feeling that someone is watching us. We get out of the car and Ricky from the Kaiser Chiefs appears out of nowhere and starts chasing us saying he’s going to kill us. We get in the car and drive away but he chases us. Then we see Rachel, she gets in and takes us to a hiding place. After a while we think its safe to get out of the car, but lo and behold Ricky reappears so Vikki and Rachel get back in the car but there’s no time for me so they drive off just telling me to ‘run’ (thanks guys) but then I see an empty car to my right, get in and drive off. Ricky chases me on a Vespa but I manage to lose him and get home. So yeah, now I have another reason to hate the Kaiser Chiefs.

On Friday night, I went round to Katy’s. She wouldn’t let me listen to Ryan Adams so every time she left the room I put Gold on. I don’t think she liked it. As a compromise, we put on some Sigur Ros, drank some wine and then went to Overdraught. We drank and danced and then moved onto Satans, and everything gets blurry from this point. I definitely know Jen and Alex were in there, and saw lots of other people I hadn’t seen for ages, but I don’t really remember anything I did or said while I was there. To be truly honest, after the first few drinks in there the next thing I remember is waking up the next morning. All in all, signs of a damn good night.

On Saturday, I went to the opticians. I was hangover free but must have smelt like a brewery. My optician was nice enough not to say anything, though. Anyways, I have bad eyes, and she has suggested now that I wear glasses a lot more regularly, to which I replied ‘I don’t actually wear them at all’ (forgetting that the last time I went I was told to buy some – oops) so I had my hands slapped and then got straight onto the Dior eyewear website! I’m not sure which ones to get yet but it’s all very exciting. The rest of the day was spent watching the Crime and Investigation channel (which might actually be the best channel ever) and sleeping intermittently all day long. Geek? Me?

On Sunday, I did more sleeping and then some room sorting (I move out pretty soon and there’s no way I can take all my junk with me) and followed this with more sleeping. Then at about 6 I went round to Vik and Rachel’s, and we were soon joined by Faye, for some Sunday night drinking. First stop, Orange Grove. I think the DJ thought it was midnight on a Friday because our quiet drink somehow started turning into a rave. We did the very old lady chats (‘You can barely hear yourself think in this place’) and decided to move on to Cheshire for the pub quiz. The second we stepped through the door, we started laughing and didn’t stop. From Vikki’s comment about the fig rolls (which is only funny if you were there, but for us it was hilarious) to Rachel spitting her drink all over the table, to our appalling performance in the quiz (we came joint last) it was just so funny. At question 1 we knew we weren’t going to win, no matter how much we cheated (which we did, lots) so after a while we just started stating the obvious. My personal favourites of the night were:

Q. What is the drummer from the Fratellis known as?
Our answer: The drummer from the Fratellis.

Q. Who played the lead male role in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Our answer: Roger.

Q. What are the 3 parts that make up an insect?
Our answer: Head, body, legs.

We also had a lot of fun in the picture round, where we just described the picture rather than say who it was a picture of (rather than write ‘David Tennant’ we wrote ‘A lady in a long jacket’) and after arguing over Mel Gibson, we came out with a score of 13 out of 50, which we actually saw as quite an achievement. We then went home, watched Nightmare on Elm Street and then everybody called it a night.

Oh, and everybody managed to get Glastonbury tickets! Which is just the most exciting thing ever. Me and Katy already have all our outfits planned.

Four Winds